valuedstrength | missing scenes

[ it's hard not to notice his demeanor shifting, and it's beyond welcome. there's nothing else she'd rather do than bridge the gap and-- but she's gone about this all wrong. accidentally friendzoned steve and now, what? set him up as the rebound? she shakes her head even if it's a response to what's going on inside rather than what he said. what he said makes her heart skip a beat and her pulse quicken even more. it's hard not to notice how close their faces are now. ]

You're too good to me. [ her mouth goes dry. he's too good for her too. this is a stupid plan. she should make an excuse and go, but she doesn't. instead, he reaches out a hand and places it gently on his arm. ]

[He eyes fall shut. Steve doesn't know what has gotten into him. He feels like he can't breathe, his arms are covered in goosepimples. Clearly he's let his mind get away with him now that she's broken up with whoever that was. Frankly it's a bit embarrassing on his part, he thinks.

He shakes his head in response.] C'mon. Don't make it sound like you don't deserve it after everything we've been through together.

[ deserve. it isn't about deserving. but he really believes she's different. does she? ]

I... [ she can't do it, she can't stop herself. natasha was always perfectly in control of everything she did... until steve. and now it's all getting away from her. ] I'm going to do something a little reckless.

[ that's all the warning he gets before her fingers tighten around his arm and her lips seal over his. ]

[It comes as both a surprise and a relief. Steve doesn't realize how much he'd been holding back until she invites him to act. Nearly instantly his hand settles on the side her waist, pulling her in closer as he kisses her back without reservation. This is without question one of the stupidest things he's ever done. What does it say about him that he jumped at the chance to hold her close and kiss her? It's unprofessional at the very least.

He can't take it back though. Steve pulls back for air and asks the most obvious question he can think of,] What was that for?

[ she makes a small, involuntary noise against his lips when he kisses back. it isn't politeness or even being caught off guard, she can feel the difference. steve kisses her with intention, the same way she did him. her fingers tighten on his arm, already dreading the part where they break apart, a shiver pulling up her spine at the way he palms her waist. natasha draws out the kiss for as long as she can, but even supersoldiers need to breathe apparently, how inconvenient.

her own breathing is so loud; the rush of blood in her ears and the pound of her heart almost drowning out his question. but she registers it belatedly, giving him a look somewhere between hurt and confused, even if she doesn't blame him for doubting her sincerity. how couldn't he really? ] Because I wanted to. [ she licks her lips absently, tasting him residually as her eyes zero in on his lips all over again, swollen and enticingly red. ]

[His breathing is more subdued by comparison. It sounds loud and harsh to his ears all the same because he's uncertain. Steve doesn't know what he's doing here. While being lost isn't anything new to him, this is. They're not putting on a show. They wanted to do this. Natasha confirmed it on her end and isn't that the side he ought to be more concerned with? He looks down which is a mistake because his hand hasn't left her waist. Now he feels obliged to do so.]

Wasn't expecting it. [Reluctantly his hand falls off, fingers teasingly following the curve on the way down. Steve forces himself to meet her gaze even if it isn't strictly on his eyes.] Why?

[Only he could be this stupid.]

[ she draws in a sharp take of breath at the almost ticklish way he pulls off his hand. she misses the contact instantly. ]

Because... [ she steels herself, wondering if he's ready for this twist. she knows she isn't. ] Because there was never another guy.

[Yeah he doesn't see it coming. Steve looks like he got a bucket of water dropped on him. That isn't inaccurate. He's so confused right now.] What?

[ natasha shrugs, her expression helpless. ] I made it up. [ to get your attention. it's so pathetic she can barely stand herself. ]

Why would you lie about sleeping with a guy? [He doesn't get it or rather doesn't want to let the thought reach its logical conclusion. She wanted a reaction from him. She certainly got it.]

I'm sorry. [ she shakes her head up at him. it was never supposed to go this far. ] It was dumb.

[ which really isn't an answer, is it? ]

Dumb? [He lets out of a bark of a laugh. This can't be happening.] What is going on with you? We're not kids. Unless this is some kind of prank to you?

[ she knows they aren't kids, but that doesn't mean she knows how to be an adult about this. like, at all. her brow creases at his question, equally disturbed by its content and that she made him think that. ]

A prank? Steve, no. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. [ if that's what she did, she doesn't even know what's going through his head. but she reaches out for his arm again, wishing they could go back to their kiss a moment ago. everything was simple then. ]

My feelings aren't hurt. [He retorts as she takes his arm. That's a lie though. His feelings are a little hurt. He thought they were past the lying. Steve can't be too angry since he's lying to her right now.]

I just thought we were done with the stories. I don't know why you'd go back to that.

[ she gives him a look like uh-huh sure, but doesn't challenge him. the last thing she actually wants to do is fight. ]

Because, sometimes... it's the only way I know how to relate. [ she sighs, looking down at her feet though she's still hanging onto him for dear life. ] We need to talk.

[Steve sighs in frustration. He doesn't get what's going on here. Maybe that's his fault. Those feelings of affection and lust are mixing together in a while he knows clouds his judgment.] We can talk about anything. You know that.

[ reluctantly, she lets go, gesturing for him to sit... somewhere. on this sweet roof hangout they're at. she crouches next to him when he complies. something about standing in the middle of nowhere trying to tell him her feelings is... weird. not that she didn't make this whole thing weird with her weirdness. ]

I made up the guy to see if you'd get jealous. Because I'm twelve and I couldn't just ask you if you liked me. [ she blurts it out in a very uncharacteristic fashion. she just needs him to know, as inelegant as it is. ]

[Steve takes a seat on their sweet roof hangout to hear her out. He's really glad she made him sit now because he'd probably fall over otherwise. This is very weird to hear, but also not. Eventually, Steve stops staring at her in order to state the obvious as flatly as possible.] I like you. Obviously.

[ her cheeks pink a little and she bites into the inside of her lip. even if she botched the execution, it still feels good to hear. ] Oh.

Sorry. I get the feeling I'm a little to blame for this. I should be more honest. [He smiles wryly. Steve tries to be straightforward, but he's not a perfect man. It's hard not to be afraid with your heart when everyone you know is dead.]

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